


if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what i'd do

by datkaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Also English isn't my first language so please be nice, I Tried, I don't know, M/M, One Direction is a duo yeah that's right, Only Zayn and Niall are in One Direction, this might be a bit messy and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2014-03-20
Packaged: 2018-01-16 10:06:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1343551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datkaa/pseuds/datkaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has been given the opportunity to tour around the world with One Direction. Liam gets left behind. </p><p>A (love?)story told backwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you deny me one of your kisses, don't know what i'd do

**Author's Note:**

> As stated in the tags, English isn't my first language so if you find some odd sounding sentences or something that just doesn't make sense, feel free to let me know! I'm still learning. :)

**:10:**

 

Liam doesn’t leave his apartment for at least two weaks after the break up, ignores all the phonecalls and responsibilities. He knows that it won’t solve anything, he’ll only create more problems this way since he needs to make money for food and rent but he can’t concentrate on anything else but Harry and how miserable he is without him, if maybe, just _maybe_ he's made a mistake when he'd left him. Maybe he should have given him another chance. Maybe this time, everything would be different.

But then Louis charges into his apartment. Louis, who’s worried for Liam because he hasn’t returned his phonecalls and been avoiding him in _two bloody weeks_ and that’s enough for Liam, because honestly, Harry could have gone on without Liam for _months_ and always found some kind of excuse. And yes, maybe Louis _isn’t_ Harry but that might be even better. Louis is there for him. At least Liam is Louis’s first choice.

 

**:9:**

 

The last European concert of One Direction is in Dublin and then they leave for Asia and Australia for the next two months. Harry’s managed to get flight tickets for Liam to visit him so that they could spend some time together, sightsee, make some memories. Except Liam isn’t nearly as excited as Harry thought he would be.

"What is it?" Harry asks carefully when Liam is just sittting at the end of the bed, staring out the window. Harry moves closer to him, presses a kiss against his naked shoulder. "Are you allright?" Another kiss before Liam stands up to put on his boxers and Harry doesn’t hide his surprise anymore.

"I kissed Louis," Liam says after a while, avoiding Harry’s glance. But Harry doesn’t say a word and Liam _has to_ look. _Has to_ see what his expression is, _has to_ know how much he’d hurt him.

He turns his head towards Harry and sees how shocked his face is, hypnotizing the wall behind Liam, apparently unable to process the information Liam’s just given him. He moves his gaze to Liam after a while. "What?"

"Several times," Liam presses on and knows that he should at least _sound_ guilty but he doesn’t feel guilty at all. The only thing he feels guilty for is the fact that he’s slept with Harry.

"Why... Why are you telling me this?"

Liam puts his shirt on and seeing the pain in Harry’s eyes, he finally lets himself to feel it as well. How could he do something like that to Harry? To _Harry_ of all people?

"I just thought you should know."

"Do you love him?" Harry braces himself to ask, even though he doesn’t really want to know the answer. And Liam stays silent. Because honestly, he doesn’t know how he feels about all this.

"I said, do you love him?!" Harry’s shouting now, gets out of bed and puts on his boxers and jeans to save at least _some_ dignity.

"Harry, stop it."

"Don’t tell me what to do! How could you?!"

Liam gasps in disbelief. "You _cannot_ be serious, Harry?! How could _I?_ You haven’t cared about me one bit since you left! Don’t be so surprised that I ran away to someone else for comfort!" Even if he means every single word, he still realizes how painful it must be for Harry to hear.

"That’s not true, Liam, you know I didn’t have time."

"For me," Liam adds, sadness in his voice although he doesn’t really care anymore.

But Harry doesn’t respond to his comment, just shakes his head instead. "I can’t believe you found a  _boyfriend,_ while I was-..."

"While you were what? While you’ve picked your career over me."

Harry just watches Liam, trying to figure out whether he’s serious. "You _know_ it’s not like that."

"Yes. It is, Harry," Liam says, takes his bag and heads for the door. "Goodbye." And this time, he means it as in bye for good.

When Harry’s left alone in the room, he sits back down on the bed and connects his hands in his lap. When the first tear drops down on his wrist, he realizes it wasn’t worth it. Losing Liam never was the plan. Not even at the cost of a dream come true.

 

**:8:**

 

"I shouldn’t," Liam mumbles and moves away from Louis. He looks at Liam confusedly before his glance falls on the framed photograph behind him of a very happy Liam and Harry with a funny grimace.

"Because of him?" he asks, even though he knows the answer and Liam doesn’t even need to bother to nod. "I don’t think anything has changed, has it?"

"He’s been in London," Liam shrugs because it’s not like Harry’s forgotten him entirely, he _did_ come to visit him.

"Twoo weeks ago." _A detail._ "He hasn’t called since then, or am I wrong?"

"You’re not," Liam admits quietly. But the truth is, he hasn’t called Harry either. He didn’t see the point.

"Well then... " Louis looks at Liam hesitantly before leaning to him again and capturing Liam’s lips. And this time, Liam doesn’t protest.

 

**:7:**

 

First thing they do when they see each other isn’t talk. As Harry notices Liam, he runs towards him like a little kid, waving his arms around before he throws himself at Liam. He’s missed him so much, his body, his smell, the security he feels around him, his nose, his firm arms, and lips, oh, the lips... He can’t take it anymore, he _has to_ have them immediately. Harry kisses Liam more intensely than when they were saying goodbye, because this time he’s not suppressing his feelings, they are overwhelving him like never before and taking over his whole body, his every instinct. If it wasn’t a public place they were meeting, Liam would have been naked five minutes ago.

"I’ve missed you," he manages to speak when they catch their breaths. "You have no idea."

"I’ve missed you, too," Liam admits, takes his boyfriend by the hand and strolls down the park with a huge smile on his face. "How much time do you have before the concert?"

"Two hours."

"Um..." Liam thinks for a moment before changing his direction. "What do you say that we skip lunch and go to our place?"

"You’re reading my mind," says Harry excitedly and picks up his speed.

 

**:6:**

 

Liam’s in a good mood after a long time because Harry’s called and told him that One Direction’s tour moves to Britain in a few days, the first concert is in London and Liam will finally be able to see his boyfriend.

"You’re kind of jolly," says Louis suspiciously, watching Liam but only occasionally because he _cannot_ afford to lose at FIFA again. That’s why he keeps pushing buttons on the console and pays only half attention to the conversation with Liam. "Have you found 10 pounds on the pavement or-"

"Meeting Harry tomorrow," Liam cuts him off and tries to keep himself from dancing enthusiastically.

"Oh."

"Oh? Is that really all you have to say?"

"You mean _that_ Harry that’s been ignoring you for two months?" Louis puts his joystick down and doesn’t even mind that Liam scores the next moment.

"He hasn’t been _ignoring_ me. He’s been on tour. Still is," Liam shrugs, happy to be even able to see Harry, even if it is just for a minute. He should be taking everything that life’s offering and be thankful, not complain and keep looking for flaws just because it’s not _perfect._

"Oh, right," the blue-eyed boy nods but his tone is not at all convincing. It’s almost ironic. "So, let me get this straight. When you were sobbing about all that partying and going bowling and out with friends and basically just having fun every night with yet another person you don't know, those were his responsibilities too, right? It wasn’t like he’s been neglecting you or anything."

"Why are you doing this?" There’s a hint of pain in Liam’s voice and anger in his face. He’s ignoring the game now as well, watching Louis who’s scowling at him. And anyway, why is Louis mad at him? It’s not his place, not any of his business.

"Liam, I’m not doing anything. Can’t you see? _He_ is. I’m just trying to open your eyes."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean?!"

Louis lets out a heavy sigh, almost as if meaning to give up. In the next moment, however, he looks at Liam firmly and without giving it a second thought, puts one hand on the floor to find balance, the other one on Liam’s neck and the next thing Liam knows, Louis’s lips are on his and he’s not entirely sure what the _bloody hell_ is going on. The only thing he’s sure of, he doesn’t want Louis to stop.

After the initial shock, Liam closes his eyes and returns Louis’s kisses, moves closer to him, entangles his fingers in Lou’s hair and pulls Louis towards himself because he hasn’t felt something like this in weeks and even though he thought that Harry’s the only one whose lips he wants to taste, Louis is _here,_ proving him wrong, that maybe his universe doesn’t only revolve around Harry.

But as soon as this thought crosses his mind, he pulls away in horror and stares at Louis wide-eyed.

"Didn’t you like it?" Louis asks worriedly because honestly, he’s fancied Liam since the first day he started working at the bakery and _fuck_ this was _everything_ he’s been craving and he couldn’t take it if Liam told him to stay away from him.

"Yes. I mean no. I mean... You should go." Liam avoids eye contact and Louis is staring at him in disbelief. The taller boy stands up after a while and heads for the bedroom, leaving Louis alone and hoping he’ll find his way out.

 

**:5:**

 

Slowly going through the photos of Harry in front of the hotel in New York, having dinner with friends, heading to the football match, dozens of pictures with fans, with people Liam doesn’t know and Harry’s been spending all his time with, Liam realizes that Harry has time for everything but him. If he didn’t watch all the videos of the tour on YouTube, he might even forget what Harry’s voice sounds like.

"You allright?" Liam hears Louis’s voice coming from the kitchen where he’s preparing breakfast for both of them. They might have drunk one glass of scotch too many yesterday and ended up at Liam’s place. He doesn’t remember whether something _happened_ last night but he’s sure he wouldn’t do something like that to Harry, not even in his most drunken state of mind.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just-"

"Stalking your boyfriend again, I see," Louis nods. He knows Liam’s situation very well, since Liam’s been complaining several days about how he misses Harry and _oh how he just wants to hold him again_.

"I don’t know if I’d say _stalking,_ " Liam frowns, turns the computer down and walks over to the kitchen that already smells like bacon. Shorter boy turns the eggs around in the pan as Liam leans against the kitchen counter and adds: "I’m just catching up on what he’s been up to. Since I have no other means of finding out."

"You could ask him," says Louis and right away recalls their conversation from yesterday when Liam told him about how Harry’s been practically dodging his every phonecall and how desperate it makes Liam. "Oh, right. I take that back."

Liam just shrugs and sits down at the table, noticing a glass of coffee right in front of him. "Lou, did you-"

"Yeah, figured you could use a cuppa," Louis winks at Liam and turns his attention back to eggs and bacon.

"I’m glad you’re here," Liam says after a while and really means it because he has no idea what he’d do without Louis.

 

**:4:**

 

Liam doesn’t remember the last time he spoke to Harry. He’s been trying, calling him a few times a week when he knew Harry had before or after the concert, left him messages about how much he was missing him, thinking about him and asking him when will he find time for Liam but Harry never returned his phonecalls. He did reply to his messages every once in a while, telling him there’s no time, that he’ll call as soon as possible, that things are crazy and he’s thinking about him every second of the day but it’s been a  _month_ and Liam still hasn’t gotten that phonecall.

Liam’s father has bean released from the hospital and he was able to pay his rent with a little delay. Things were starting to improve for him, even if only a little. It was still something. His only concern now was to find a patch big enough to cover up the hole Harry left in his life.

So he started hitting clubs with Louis, a friend from work. A little bit of alcohol in his system and he forgets how much he misses and _needs_ Harry. Or maybe it was Louis - the boy really had an unusual gift of talking about any idiotic thing really, and thus taking Liam’s mind off anything important. Whatever it was, Liam knew spending time with Louis was his way out of the painful reality.

 

**:3:**

 

"Li, it’s amazing," Harry’s smiling to the webcamera after he’s been rambling on and on about everything he’s experienced on the tour this week, about how Zayn and Niall accepted him right away, how amazing they are, how Niall keeps eating his dinner when Harry’s not looking, how Zayn’s helping him deal with the paparazzi, how they are interested in his fun facts about basically everything and anything, how they got to the stage early last night and sang his last song with him, how their fans accepted him, how his own fanbase is slowly growing, etcetera etcetera and Liam is listening to it all with a smile, happy that his boyfriend’s dream has come true.

He doesn’t tell him about how he needs 100 quid for rent, not even about how he might lose his job at the bakery because he’s overslept the third time in a row the other day, not even about how his dad’s been taken to the hospital. It is the best time for Harry, probably the best week of his life, he has the world at his feet and nothing in the way. How could Liam be so selfish to rain on his parade? He doesn’t want to spoil anything for Harry with the silly worries he’s having an _ocean_ away.

"And how have you been?" Harry asks when he needs to take a breath.

"Oh, you know. Same old," Liam lies and forces himself to smile to convince Harry. "The neighbour’s damn cat still poos on our balcony, the washing machine’s still leaking, the usual."

Harry laughs and assures Liam they’ll be able to buy five new washing machines with the money he’ll get from the tour. Liam opens his mouth to admit to Harry the leaking washing machine is the least of his troubles when he hears an unfamiliar voice from the background and Harry turns his attention away from Liam. After the person’s done talking, Harry looks at his boyfriend again and says: "I’m sorry, Li, that was Niall. We’re hitting the clubs tonight with Zayn and he’s come to tell me we’re leaving in 10 minutes. I hate to say goodbye, but-"

"Then don’t," Liam says quietly because this was the first time after whole week that he’s been able to talk to Harry. It wasn’t so easy to coordinate their schedules due to the time difference between England and America.

But Harry doesn’t hear or at least he acts as if he doesn’t.   "-I have to take a shower and change and-"

"You can change in front of me," Liam smirks.

Harry is puzzled for a moment before grinning mischievously at Liam and shaking his head. "We’ll do _that_ some other time."

 

**:2:**

 

"Babe, have you got everything?"

"I don’t know. Feels like I’m missing something," Harry shrugs and scans the apartment.

"That would be me," Liam smirks, takes Harry’s baggage into the lobby and Harry follows him closely.

"Yeah, you‘re probably right," he nods and realizes that maybe Liam really _is_ the reason he feels like he’s leaving something behind.

Harry’s phone rings in his pocket and when he pulls it out, he looks at Liam with horror in his eyes before uttering the words "the cab’s here". He proceeds to pick up the call and says to the cabby he’ll be down in five minutes.

"You really don’t want me to go with you to the airport?" Liam asks because even if he has a performance down at the pub in an hour, all he needs is a word from Harry and he’ll ditch everything. Even though he doesn’t have enough money for rent. He’ll figure something out.

"No, Li. You have the concert."

" _Concert,_ " Liam says mockingly and shakes his head. "If you wanted to, I could-"

"What if a talent scout drinking away his sorrows is there tonight. You never know," Harry smiles at Liam and puts his shoes on. Then he opens the door and takes his baggage outside of the apartment, puts them down next to them elevator before turning back to Liam who’s now leaning against the doorframe. Harry reaches out to grab Liam’s face in his hands and pulls him in a big kiss. Liam’s stubble itches his chin, his scent is sinking into Harry’s nose and dazing his senses.

"Liam," he mumbles into Liam’s mouth, kisses him as if it was the last time they’re seeing each other and Liam is putting into it with the same determination. And sadness, as Harry finds out after he pulls away to press his forehead against Liam’s and hears his loud sniff. Harry focuses on his glassy eyes and wipes Liam’s tears away with his thumb.

"Hey, hey, come on," he says lovingly. "This doesn’t change anything. We’ll be texting, calling each other everyday if you want to. You’ll come visit. Won’t even notice I’m not here with you. Promise."

Liam doesn’t even look at him when he nods.

"I have to go now," the curly boy says and with a quiet "I love you" turns to the elevator.

"Goodbye," Liam mutters and Harry turns around one last time.

"Don’t say goodbye."

"What do you want me to say?"

"See ya," Harry says casually and leaves Liam alone. Only after he sits in the cab and tells the cabby to take him to the airport, he breaks down in tears.

 

**:1:**

 

When Harry comes to him to tell him the news, Liam can’t believe what he’s hearing. Is this really happening? Has his boyfriend finally gotten lucky?

"That’s wonderful, Harry!" He pulls him into a hug. He doesn’t even think about how unfair it is that Harry has been given this amazing opportunity whereas he’s still at the point where he should be happy if there is a small performance in a stinky pub he can do.

"I know, it’s just..." Harry pulls away hesitantly, guiltily looks at Liam and immediately darts away his gaze.

"What? No but’s, Harry. This is the stadium tour of the bloody One Direction, a  _huge_ opportunity to get yourself noticed!"

"I would only open the shows anyway," the curly boy shrugs and Liam can’t believe he’s even thinking about throwing this away. It's always been Harry’s dream to make it big in the music world and to open for the well-known duo One Direction who sell concert tickets in a matter of _minutes,_ that was an opportunity you’re only given once in a lifetime.

"You have to take it," Liam says because he knows very well how big a step in Harry’s career this is and Liam couldn’t be more proud.

"You’re right," the younger boy nods at last and smiles honestly at Liam. Zayn and Niall represent the door to fame, only a fool would turn them down. And it’s not like he’d be throwing his life away. _Liam_ is his life and he’s supporting Harry no matter what, so why wouldn’t he take it, right?

**Author's Note:**

> http://screwlirry.tumblr.com/ feel free to follow :)


End file.
